


Clockwork

by Lyumia



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Irony, M/M, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-24
Updated: 2015-05-24
Packaged: 2018-04-01 01:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4001053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyumia/pseuds/Lyumia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hi, I'm your new neighbor, and I'm slightly concerned because a bowl of cereal hit me when you threw it out your window.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clockwork

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own anything and this'll probably make no sense.
> 
> BTW this is TaUA because I wasn't sure how bad the jokes were (inappropriate wise kind of bad).

The neighborhood I recently moved into had a decent reputation, and one man across the street- a young man named Zack Fair- was happy to introduce himself and help me unload the boxes into the living room, even his lovely girlfriend served us tea. Well, me and her tea- according to the energetic black haired man who had gravity defying hair, it tasted worse than his father's cooking. 

"Oh hush, you're just upset you let the kettle boil over." Aerith Gainsborough giggled as she chided him affectionately.

He let out a noise that reminded me somewhat of a puppy as he whined; "that was an accident!"

"I'm sure the other fourteen times were an accident too." She rolled her green eyes at his pout. He was definitely a puppy.

"Just out of curiosity, what can you tell me about the neighborhood?" I inquired, taking a sip of my own tea. 

Zack snapped out of his pout so quickly, and as he began chatting I began to wonder where all his energy came from- the coffee he was drinking definitely didn't seem to be helping. "Well, Cloud's right, right next door, and that Genesis on the other side- they're both assholes, but Cloud's a nice asshole, cause he's not actually an asshole." 

Uh? I blinked at him, completely loosing the meaning of his words. 

"Cloud is..." Aerith prused her lips in thought. "...a nice person, but he tries not to be." 

"That's... Contradicting..." I blinked again, at a total loss for words. 

"Zachary, I hope you're not talking ill of me behind my back." A voice dramatically sighed as he stepped through the open front door. "You must be the new neighbor. My name is Gene...Angeal?" Blue eyes blinked.

"Genesis?" 

He snorted, feigning offense. "How many people do you know named Genesis!?" 

"You two know each other?" Zack looked back and forth between ius with a puzzled expression.

"Yes, puppy, if there weren't fleas in your ears this wouldn't be confusing." Genesis sighed knowingly.

"Glad I wasn't the only one who thought that." I mused watching as Zack pouted.

"You guys are mean!"

"Have you told him about the hours yet?" Genesis asked Aerith who shook her head. 

"Don't ignore me!" Zack whined, his eyes somehow growing more puppy-begging-like. 

"Well, you'll have to avoid the far left window of his house at nine, then the far right at eleven, and then the left one again at night- at seven." Genesis explained. "You'll have no problem at eleven, but just to be safe."

"Uh...okay." I wanted to ask why, but I didn't think much of it. 

When I began walking the them down the driveway Zack abruptly spun on his heel. "Remember, avoid the house at nine, eleven in the morning, and seven at night." Zack counted off the times on his fingers, casting one look down at his watch then at the dark blue house.

I raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Why?"

"It's nine already!? Shit, move!" The raven haired man urged, dashing away from my lawn.

"Why?!" I shouted after him in exasperation.

" **YOU LITTLE SHIT!!** " I felt a weight hit the back of my head as Aerith took a step back in surprise.

"Oh Cloud." She shook her head in dismay at the broken bowl that had milk that still had some Chocob Chuffs left in it. I reached up to tenderly cradle the back of my head. _Did that just hit me?_  "Well, I have to go to work, just take this over to Cloud." She began to walk off as Genesis scooped up the glass with (practiced) ease.

"This should be amusing." He mused as he followed me to the black door. Really the house was borderline dreary. 

"What is it Zack?" A blonde with even more gravity defying hair that stood up in wild spikes (really, I was starting to look plain in comparison) and a grease smear on his cheek, snapped, a pair of tinted goggles over his eyes. 

"Hello..." I began uncertainly as he looked down at the broken bowl in my hands.

"Well shit." He bit his lip as he cursed quietly, before taking the bowl and dumping it behind a flower bed by the doorstep- which was the only decoration on the entire exterior. "Sorry, new neighbor, right?" He asked shyly, peeking behind me to look at Genesis.

"Yes. I'm Angeal-"

"Who the fuck is at the door!" Another man gruffly shouted.

"Is Cid visiting?" Genesis quirled an eyebrow questioningly.

"Yeah. Well nice meeting you Angeal- touch that and I'll cut off everyone of your limbs!" He threatened to someone in the house. "Bye Gen, bye Geal." He ageve a small wave before he quietly closed the door.

"So, your thoughts?" Genesis smirked as I began to shuffle back to my house.

"Uh...wow?" I tried. It certainly seemed like something Genesis would be accustomed to, but not something I could tolerate after a while. "Seems..."

"Yes, a little crazy- but otherwise this neighborhood would be boring, well other than Zack's constant chatter." He rolled his eyes at the thought of the man."He's getting married soon."

"Congratulations to them." I stood in front of my door, waving goodbye to my friend.

Well he certainly fitted the happy couple's description.

**"I'LL DROWN YOU IN THE BATHTUB!!"** I jumped as I heard a loud crash- looking at my clock, I scoffed in dismay seeing it was exactly eleven o' clock. 

**"BOTH OF YOU: SHUT THE FUCK UP- I AM TRYING TO WORK GAIA DAMN IT!!"**

**"ALL OF YOU NEED TO SHUT THE HELL UP!!"** A different, slightly deeper voice yelled.

**"KISS MY ASS WALLACE!!"**

**"KISS MY BLACK ONE FIRST HIGHWIND!!"**

**"JUST SCREW EACH OTHER ALREADY!!!"**

**"SHUT THE HELL UP STRIFE!!"**

**"BITE ME!!"**

An engine roared to life, and the yelling continued.  **"BUY SOMETHING THAT AIN'T SHIT FOR ONCE RHAPSODOS!!"**

**"LICK MY BALLS HIGHWIND!!"** I nearly choked on the tea I was drinking. Was that really Genesis? The same person who secretly admired the dresses of dolls because he simply thought they were pretty?

**"I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING HERPES!!"**

**"GAIA DAMN IT! SEPHIROTH STOP LICKING MY FOOT!!"**

**"SHUT UP!"** A woman howled and it all fell silent.  **"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO REMIND YOU!? THERE ARE CHILDREN LISTENING!!"**

**"THERE WOULDN'T BE IF YOU BOTH KEPT IT IN YOUR PANTS- OW!"** I sighed in relief, until I heard a familiar voice holler:  **"CLOUD!! I CAN'T FIND MY UNIFORM!!"**

**"CHECK THE DRYER!!"**

**"FOUND IT!"** Zack shouted back, and I felt the urge to remind the man yelling wasn't the most convenient method of communication.

I looked at the blue house dubiously through my kitchen widow. This was _normal_?

The next disturbance happened exactly at four o'clock. I was replanting my vegetables and tea leaves when I nearly ripped a leaf off as a gun went off. _A gun_? The real estate had told me this was a _safe_ neighborhood.

**"DAMN IT SPIKE, ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOOT US!?"** The same deep voice from before- Wallace I believe- howled.

**"NO! I WAS AIMING FOR THE DAMN CAT! YES! I WAS! GET AWAY FROM MY BEER!"** And once again everything was silent. 

This was definitely not normal. 

At seven (after I called Genesis who assured me that Cloud didn't normally use his gun unless Cid was over) then came (hopefully) the last disturbance of the night- after a truck had sputtered to life and drove off, which I assumed was Cid- a long drawn out scream and suspenseful music, and the a large crash as Cloud howled:  **"DAMN IT SEPH! GET YOUR FAT ASS OFF THE REMOTE!!"**

The next day, it was a screwdriver that had flown from the left window (that had been replaced overnight) and the usual curse towards the man named Sephiroth; which signaled Aerith's leave for work since she owned a flower shop. Then at eleven was three minuets of Cloud letting out a slew of curses (and once again a window breaking) that would make a Junon sailor proud; which was when Genesis started up his Volkswagen and left for work himself. 

Fortunately there were no more disturbances until seven, when the faint sound of a piano playing carried through the neighborhood. I had sighed in relief, laying down on me bed and figuring that yesterday had just been of of the more unruly ones- until the sweet piano symphony was interrupted by a sudden horrid note(s) and the man howled:  **"GET YOUR FAT ASS OFF THE KEYS!"** And a string of loud (probably dangerous) crashing noises, which was when Zack returned home with Aerith. 

I began to ponder how a seemingly sweet and quiet boy could be so...loud. 

The next day I didn't even jump when the sound of breaking glass interrupted my morning tea- just when thirty minuets later I stepped out of my house and in dismay at the completely dismantled piano in my neighbors yard. "Shame right?" A voice disturbed me from my thoughts, and a dark skinned woman smiled at me. "Hello, I'm Myrna Wallace, I live next to Zack and Vincent she pointed to a peach colored house next to Zack's bright and cheery blue one. "I live with my husband and daughter, you're welcome to come over anytime you need something." 

"Oh, thank you. My name is Angeal Hewley." I reached out to shake her hand but jumped at the sound of _another_ gun. 

" **DAMN IT VALENTINE! IT'S JUST ONE BEER!!"** Cid's voice carried over the silent houses.

Myrna shook her head with a sigh. "That was Vincent. I should go make sure he doesn't shoot Cid again." And like that she was gone.

Its a ' _safe_ ' and _'quiet_ ' neighborhood. No wonder the house had been such a good price.

When I returned from work by six, I found a blonde man working on a motorcycle in Cloud's driveway, his blue T-shirt drenched in sweat when he glanced up to glance at me as I pulled into my own driveway. "No planet damned way!" In an instant he was admiring the vehicle appreciatively. "I admit, at first I thought you were one of those damn old men from what that red punk told me, but she's a a real beaut!" He gushed happily.

I looked at the mustang appreciatively. "Uh, thanks." 

"Cid." I turned to see Cloud- and I be lying if I didn't say he looked absolutely adorable rubbing his big blue eyes tiredly in a sleeveless shirt and low hanging sweatpants as he tiredly called out for the man. "You almost done?" Before I didn't notice he had an accent, but now it was quite alluring how he dralwed out certain letters. 

"Yeah kid- but look at 'er! She's a fifty six!" He exclaimed with a satisfied hum before returning to Cloud's driveway.

"Hi." He greeted quietly. Hadn't Aerith said he tried not to be nice? 

"Hello." I looked back and forth between the broken piano and the tired man, eventually I asked. "Long night?" 

Timidly he nodded. "Sorry about that." 

"No trouble... Though if I may ask...?"

He sighed, shoulders sinking slightly. "It's Sephiroth, my-"

**"CLOUD! SEPHIROTH IS EATING YOUR POT TARTS AGAIN!"** Cid, who had at one point ventured into the house shouted and Cloud donned the coldest glare that was second to the time one of the larger children in Banora had pushed Genesis's face into mud. 

**"GET YOUR FAT ASS AWAY FROM MY POT TARTS!"**

**"FOR THE LAST TIME IT IS 'POP' TARTS!"** A new voice -a woman- yelled.

**"I SAY WHICHEVER I WANT TO SHERA! GET OFF MY BACK!"** Cid yelled back.

**"YOU ATE ALL MY POT TARTS!"**

Sure enough, when the argument died down, it was ten minuets past seven. I started to wonder just who this Sephiroth person was to spur such commotion.

When I woke early and decided to jog to the store, I recalled last night and decided to buy a box of pot- I mean pop tarts (that was really contagious) and knock on Cloud's door, who blinked at me blankly before his eyes widened a fraction at the sight of the pot- pop tarts. "Sorry to disturb you so early, but I was wondering-" I was caught off guard when he pulled me inside with surprising strength. 

"I love you!" He groaned as he hugged me tightly. 

"Uh...you're welcome?" He wasn't wearing a shirt. And he worked out. That was nice to know. Apparently woody agreed. 

A black haired man in a black suit stepped out of the kitchen and took the box from my hands. "No sugar." He looked pointedly at the bloinde before walking back into the kitchen, Cloud clinging to his torso as he pleaded for at least one bite. 

"Vincent!" The poor man looked like he was going to cry- which was oddly endearing on the muscular mechanic as he tripped over some metal contraption.

Red eyes closed as he let out a sigh. "Fine. One." He handed the blonde his box and his blue eyes lit up happily. 

I watched in bemusement as he put it in the cabinet next to his newly replaced left window and tried to sneak another package out. I jumped as Vincent quickly procured a gun from his blazer (which was a miracle since the gun was ridiculously large) and shot the pop tart; the sound of breaking glass filling the silence of the house.

A black and white cat then jumped up on the counter and began nibbling at the crumbled treat through the hole the bullet left. Cloud glared down at the caat who looked up at him with green eyes challenging. "Fuck you Sephiroth." He grumbled scratching the cat behind the ear. 

Sephiroth was a cat.

The reason for all the chaos that went on in this house was a cat.

It was planet damned cat.

I couldn't help but laugh until my sides hurt- the site pouting glare Cloud gave me only made me laugh harder. I scratched the cat under his chin who was seemingly smirking like the smug little shit he was. "Guess I should've brought cat nip too." I cooed, chuckling when Sephiroth purred louder in response.

"Lucky cat." I swore I heard Cloud mumble as he cleansed up the remaining pop tart and thrwew it away with a wry grin. "Do you want to go out on a date?" He asked offhandedly.

Well that was sudden. I sighed, hearing the familiar sound of Aerith's car starting. "Why not?" I began to question my decision when I found red eyes glowering at me and heard Sephiroth meow for more attention.

It wasn't such a bad neighborhood after all. 

**"DAMN IT VALENTINE! THAT HIT ME IN MY SACK!"**

It was just no where near close to normal.


End file.
